Happy New Year Everyone!
Phew, and what a start we have had. So far, 2022 seems to be a continuation of all things 2020 and 2021.
Like many of you, I have some goals and resolutions for this year. And I’ll be honest, some of them are to simply re-establish good habits that I have let slip by over the last six months.
Yup, it’s true. I know a few things about yoga, and fitness, and habits, and achieving goals, but I’m still human. Those easy ways out are tempting for me too. And I’ve cut some corners for sure. BUT, I recognize that. And I’m working to correct it.
SLOWLY.
I built those good habits (meditation, reading, eating well, a consistent early morning yoga practice), over an extended period of time. A little bit here. Some more there. They also slowly slipped away over time. The space that I had created for them began being taken over by other (perhaps not so good?) habits gradually. And so, I can’t expect them all to return overnight either.
I got busy with work and began using the quiet mornings to be really productive on projects that were important to me. With the kids returning to in person school, you would think that I had more time available, and I did, sort of. The new schedule has been an adjustment, and I don’t think I’ve really found my groove even after 5 months. Every day seems to be different, and I can’t seem to establish a consistent schedule for myself.
And so with the new year upon us and the kids back to school (after an extended winter break due to the weather), I’m beginning to look at my goals. Finding little tiny pockets of time where I can rebuild those old practices.
I don’t have lofty goals, and I’m setting reasonable expectations on the amount of time I can spend on them each day. And every little bit counts. Every little bit is a success and something to be celebrated and proud of.
But I also wonder if some of those habits and patterns that I’m hoping to return to, have already served their purpose. Perhaps I’m clinging to a feeling and a pattern that I had in the past (and that worked well at the time), but maybe now the conditions of my life have changed and it won’t work in the same way. Maybe I don’t actually need what I think I want…
For instance, when the pandemic started, almost immediately (and practically without thinking about it) I began a ritual of waking at 5:00 in the morning every day and doing my yoga practice. This served many purposes. It was the ONLY way to accomplish any sort of meaningful physical movement with the kids home 24/7. At the time we also didn’t have a robust set of weights like we do now, so my lifting regime was on hiatus. And, to be honest, my yoga practice held me together in a time of great uncertainty. It grounded me. I knew what to do on my mat. I knew what pose came next in the long sequence I was practicing at the time. I had postures I was working on then, and each day I could see little bits of progress or learn new lessons.
It also gave me some highly coveted time to myself.
And I needed all of that. Then.
However, as the world began to open up and in person activities started again, our schedules changed. My morning practice time felt rushed (probably only in my own head) knowing I had to get the kids out the door. And so I’ve tried to shift my practice time to later in the day. And it just doesn’t feel the same.
But maybe that’s because I need something different from my practice now too.
Maybe I don’t need the practice to be the glue that keeps me from falling apart.
Maybe it doesn’t have to be so serious and goal oriented.
Maybe I’m at a place in my life now where I need the physical energy for all the other endeavors I now get to work on, and I can’t spend 2 hours on my mat each day, depleting myself.
And so, I’m working to be open to this shift in my practice. Accept where I am in my life and let the practice serve me in a new way. Hopefully aligning what I need with what I “want.” And mostly, just allowing myself to show up each day and see what is there. Giving myself grace when all I have time for is some sun salutations and few intentional breaths, and making the most of that time. Letting that be enough.
