In a previous post I mentioned that we all need therapy.  We all have our own “ish” to deal with that maybe other people know about, or perhaps it’s a complete secret to the world.  With the pandemic I would be willing to bet that the number of people skyrocketed who could (for at least some period of the last year) have been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, both, or any other number of mental illnesses.  I say this to point out that EVERYONE has “stuff” going on, and if you are currently suffering from some kind of mental illness, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  In fact, I am right there with you.

I will be completely up front and honest here: I have anxiety.  Not to a degree that hinders my daily functioning.  Not to a degree that “requires” therapy on a regular basis (although I could 100% benefit from it I’m sure) or daily medication.  That being said, I do have to be aware of my own signs and symptoms and make sure that I take proper care of myself so that it doesn’t get out of hand, or lead to dysfunction.  I will also completely admit that at some point, for a brief period during this pandemic I’m pretty sure I was clinically depressed for a few weeks.  At this point I couldn’t tell you exactly when it started, or how/why/when it ended. What I do remember is how it felt.  And to be completely honest, when it was happening I don’t know that reading a post like this would have helped.  I don’t know that it  would have convinced me to talk with someone or seek help or share what I was going through.  BUT in the hopes that this WILL help someone or convince you to seek help or encourage you to share your experience (with me or anyone you trust), I am putting my experience out into the world.  I also fully believe that we should NORMALIZE mental health issues and the only way to do that is to talk about them.  OUT LOUD.  So here it is.  I have anxiety, and I have experienced depression, and I am 100% sure that I am not alone — and neither are YOU!

I am naturally an anxious person.  I am a type A personality type through and through.  I want to check all the boxes and I want to do it in a nice neat orderly fashion and complete all the tasks to the absolute best of my ability.  In truth I want it all to be perfect.  These are really handy traits — sometimes.  Other times, this same personality trait can lead to TOO much concern and focus over details that probably really don’t matter to anyone else but me.  Will someone die if they get store bought cupcakes for their birthday.  No.  Will my children be emotionally scarred for life if I don’t volunteer for EVERY school function possible (or ANY of them for that matter). No.  What happens if dirty dishes linger in the sink for an hour or two, or 12??  Nothing.  

It’s these little reality checks that I need to have with myself to keep my own anxiety under wraps.  It’s also the reason that I am a “no” person.  I cannot say yes unless I can 100% commit myself to the task and know that I will do the job perfectly.  So, my default answer (especially if you want it quickly) is, “no.”  I may think about it later and figure out a way that I CAN make it happen, in which case I will GLADLY let you know that I’ve changed my mind.  But if you pressure me for an answer, without allowing me the time to be thoughtful about it, rest assured, the answer will be, “no.” With my children I’ve taken to using the phrase, “I’ll take that under advisement,” when they have some request. They think it’s hillarious, but they also know that it’s a maybe, and that is 100% better than an immediate, “no.”

I have also learned (in part due to this pandemic) my limits.  I know the very subtle signs of anxiety creeping up on me (flight of ideas, feeling like I have a million things to do, an upset stomach — literally almost instant bloating in my abdomen (The Gut Brain Connection is a short little read as to why this is totally a thing), and if I let it get too out of hand I am quick to anger or frustration at the tiniest indiscretions by anyone around me).  I ALSO know the best ways to temper this anxiety.  Aside from the quick reality checks with myself (pause, take a breath, and ask myself how important xyz thing is in the scheme of life), I also know that remembering to breathe  (like really breathe: nice long deep inhales, not the super shallow breaths I take when I’m anxious) can be a magical healing tool.

You may find this hard to believe, but we still enforce a quiet hour in our house.  Clearly no one is taking naps as the kids are now (almost) 8 and 9, however from 1:00-2:00 each day everyone goes to their room (including me!) and we spend an hour away from each other, doing something quiet.  On days where I’m already starting to feel amped up, I make sure that no matter how much work I “have to do,” I stop by 1:30 and take an ACTUAL brain break.  I turn off all the devices, lay in bed, close my eyes and focus on my breath.  I wouldn’t call this a meditation, and I also wouldn’t call it a nap.  I am somewhere in the middle between fully conscious and sleeping.  And during this time I really am not thinking about anything — which is in stark contrast to the rest of my day when I am constantly running through my to do list and figuring out the tetris of 4 people’s shedules, needs and lives.  This brain break is like restarting your phone or computer when it starts to get a little buggy — it’s not quite a hard reset, but it’s usually just enough to collect myself, rest my busy mind, and get through the rest of the day without spiralling out of control.  And while sometimes it’s SOOOO tempting to just work for those extra 30 minutes, the alternative is not pretty, and I know this.  

These tips and tricks work for me and my anxiety, but I also know that anxiety and depression (or any other mental illness) do not look exactly the same for every individual. If you are struggling right now, first and foremost  I want you to know that you are not alone.  I also want you to know that things CAN get better, but maybe (just maybe) you need a little help to get there.  As humans we are not designed to survive alone, so seek out someone in your village and ask for a helping hand.  If you don’t have a village, you may absolutely reach out to me.  AND if you are ready to seek help but prefer to remain anonymous there are TONS of great resources out there (links below).  The point is, you don’t have to do it hold it together and suffer by yourself. We are all here for you, and you are not alone.

Links and Phone Numbers for Mental Health Resources:

National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI): https://www.nami.org/Home  (800-950-6264)

National Suicide Prevention: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/  (1-800-273-8255)

National Helpline: https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline (1-800-662-4357)

Crisis Text Line: https://www.crisistextline.org/ (text HOME to 741741)

Online therapy (free/cheap) resource list: https://paindoctor.com/free-therapy-online/