My daughter has always been very empathetic. From the time she was 2 years old and in pre-school, teachers would comment on how understanding and kind she was to other children. As she’s gotten older, her skills in this area have only grown. She has a huge heart and sometimes it gets the best of her. She has SO much consideration for others that sometimes she gets herself into a tizzy trying to make sure everyone is happy, treated fairly, and not inadvertantly getting hurt by her actions (or inaction).
At the most recent parent teacher conference I had about her, I was not at all surprised to hear that this empathy shows up in her reading and her writing. Her teacher noted how well she can find ways to relate to the characters and understand them. Many of their assignments in fact have centered on the idea of persepctive.
She had to write a letter from the perspective of a character in a book. She had to defend the actions of the British soldiers and their treatment of the patriots (rebels?) during the revolutionary war. She actually made a really compelling argument, supported by facts and solid reasoning. All by finding a not often taught (in this country) perspective.
And what great practice for life. Taking time to reflect and understand another’s perspective before you react is the first step in having empathy. And ultimately towards being kind.
As it happened, in this same week, I also had a lovely conversation with my daughter and her friend while driving to softball practice. I can’t even remember what led up to it, but at some point they began talking about a classmate who struggles with social norms and isn’t great at following the rules in the classroom. This presents itself as behaviors that annoy / bother the rest of the class.
I interrupted the conversation and asked if they had ever learned in school about the different ways people learn (visual, auditory, verbal, kinesthetic, etc). They said no, but as I explained a little more, they could give examples for how they best learn, and my daughter quickly pointed out that she knew the best way for ME to learn (I am CONSTANTLY reminding both kids that they cannot read their writing out loud to me if they want me to process it and appreciate it. I need to read it. And I need them to stop talking WHILE I read it).
I then suggested that the student they were discussing perhaps learns in a different way from them. Her habits and behaviors might be a distraction to others, but she may actually be taking in the lessons and information simply by listening, even if outwardly it appears like she is not paying attention. She may be absorbing and processing the information even while she appears to be actively using her brain for other tasks.
They pondered that for a moment–it shut the conversation down–and they moved on to another topic. I *hope* that by offering them a new perspective they were able to understand that student a little better. Maybe give her a little grace the next time they are annoyed or bothered by her behavior.
Find a little empathy.
Be kind.
