The thing you want to do the least is probably the thing you need the most.
I usually think of this in terms of physical fitness and try to remind myself of this REGULARLY. We all have that one exercise or one yoga pose that we dread. If we’re taking a class with an instructor we cringe inside (and it probably shows on our face) when they announce that we are going to work on whatever that “thing” is for you.
Personally, I hate pull-ups. I do them because I know how much “push” yoga is and I need to balance that out. I also have to trick myself. Frequently I will tell myself that I “get” to do something fun (like handstands or deadlifts) if I just finish the pull-ups. I definitely need some good music. Sometimes it even turns into a mini-circuit if I’m really struggling to find the motivation (pull-ups, handstands, lunges — repeat x3).
And, no matter how much mental struggle there was to get it done, they are never physically as “bad” as I imagine they are going to be, and I’m ALWAYS glad that I’ve done them — and a little proud for not talking myself out of it.
The same thing goes for the current pose that is my nemesis (kapotasana). I think in the introduction to my blog I mentioned having a love/hate relationship with wheel pose. That’s still a little true, but kapotasana is like wheel on steroids. It takes every ounce of my being and a very serious pep talk most days to get it done. I dread it from the moment I start my practice and as I reach the poses that are leading up to it I start the mental preparations (and the aforementioned poses also happen to be preparing me for it physically as well).
No matter how much physical or mental preparation, this pose is still always a beast. I am constantly reminding myself to breathe. Literally. On bad days it feels terrible. On good days it feels slightly less terrible. On REALLY good days it feels strong and open and the breath comes more easily — but it’s still not easy. Truthfully those really good days may be the only reason I KEEP at it — the hope that there will be more days where it doesn’t feel like death.
The funny part is, and I’ve shared this before, the physical appearance of this pose (in my body) doesn’t change significantly no matter how it feels. I recently had a much needed “good practice” Everything felt open and strong; the breath flowed. I happened to take a video of myself in my first attempt at kapotasana. On “good” days like this, I will often be willing to give it a second shot after completing a few more poses, and so I took a second video as well.
The first attempt FELT okay (okay enough that I could give it a second try) and the second attempt felt really good (as is usually the case). However, when I looked back at the videos there was almost NO perceivable difference in the way it looked. I took a couple of screenshots from each at the “deepest” expression of the pose — and to be honest when I look at them now I don’t even know which one was the first or second attempt. There are some TINY differences, but most people looking at them wouldn’t be able to point them out.
What is the point of this? The point is, that the FELT experience is what matters. I can’t see myself doing this pose (without the help of the camera) and what it looks like from the outside isn’t important. It also clearly doesn’t change much. That’s not the part that’s teaching me anything about myself. What I learn comes from how I experience it INSIDE my body. The sensations, the breath, and ultimately where my mind goes during those experiences. That is where I learn the biggest lessons — about the inner-workings of my own brain. And that is the point. That is why I show up every day and “force” myself to do this posture again, and again, and again.
It is clearly what I want to do the least, but probably what I need the most. Where I can learn and grow.
So, what do YOU want to do the lesast? What do you avoid, put off, or skip doing entirely? These may be your biggest challenges, but they also offer the most potential for change and growth. So step outside of your comfort zone. Do the thing you are afraid of. Breathe. Put in the work. Challenge yourself, see how it feels, see what you learn along the way.
